Koi at Tokugawa Garden.
This afternoon, I signed a one year contract for a new job. I can’t say much about it, other than it’s teaching. I’m hoping to use the money for Japanese lessons, which will hopefully help me pass some more tests, so I can get a really good job in the future. I can’t express, with words, my relief of finding another job.
I’ve been working on an essay about myself, for a job application. It’s been slow going, but I’m trying to get it done as soon as I can. As I’ve said in my last post, it feels like my job status may be changing in the next few months, so I should probably work on sorting things out.
In my introductory essay, I need to explain my work experience, why I would be a good fit for the position, and why I even want it to begin with. The latter is the most difficult to answer.
The position would take me far from home, as well as necessitate a major lifestyle change. I would be contracted for an entire year, though with great benefits and a lot of assistance. It’s exciting, but still a little daunting.
A lot of my answers are not ones you can usually give at an interview. My reasons might not seem like “good reasons” to up and move across the globe, especially if I were to go deeply into them, so I’ve been doing a lot of sole searching. I keep asking myself, “will this really change anything?”
Today was a long day filled with complicated problem solving. For the life of everyone in my department, we couldn’t figure out why an important document refused to print correctly. We noticed that some of the numbers were displaying multiple times and some of the labels were nothing like what was being input, but we still can’t get the finalienable product to be 100% up to snuff. I poured over it all day and the closest I can figure is that another project we worked on two weeks ago messed this set of data up somehow.
By the time 5 pm was rolling around, I was near desperate to escape. I was looking for excuses to leave my desk and get out of dodge. I had at least two or three trips to the restroom or to the kitchen for more tea. I probably have severely weakened the structural integrity of my wheely chair. I checked Google more times than I probably should have.
I needed to get away from that spreadsheet, that horrible, awful spreadsheet of despair and no small amount of self-loathing.
I got a call from the company my brother works for yesterday. I was offered a job. The job starts later today. The commute is a bit long, but the pay and hours are good, so I can’t mind too much. Through it, I should be able to start paying down my loans.
From what was said yesterday, it looks like I’m going to be assigned to a similar department as my brother’s. I am now officially another cog in the corporate machine. I’m so happy!! ((I really am, I always wanted to have an office job like this.))
I will probably update either later today or tomorrow about my first impressions of my new job. Of course, I plan to omit anything too incriminating or anything that can traced back to the actual company or myself.
Wish me luck!
Brother and I went walking again. This time it was a bit further along the Bronx River.
This area was more akin to a small forest than the last spot and had a cool little walkway under one of the bridges. The walkway was flush level with the water and the space between it and the bottom of the bridge was very small.
It was also very dark. From it, you could finally really see how deep the river is in some places (at least 5 feet). I loved it, my brother, not so much.
Brother and I want to go back when the fish start coming around again, since we think we can see them under the bridge, if we use flashlights.
Wouldn’t it be so nice if we could let troubles and fears roll off our backs, like a duck does water?
I’ve spent a good portion of my life playing servant to anxiety, and missed a lot of opportunities for happiness pass me by. I pretended to be someone else to make my family like me, I lived in fear of regrets, I did things I’m not proud of in hopes to quell the hurt inside me. But I resolved to not let me fears get the better of me anymore.
Whatever will be, will be, and I will deal with things when and if they happen. Is it easy? No.
Do I make mistakes or falter? Yes, all the time. But I am human. I can only do my best and hope that at the end of the day it’s good enough.
Wouldn’t it be nice if all worries could flow off our shoulders like water off of a duck’s back? Yes, but that isn’t the way it works. You have to let go of it yourself. Burdens are heavy, and like to hold on tight, so you need to raise you hands and brush them off. Otherwise, they will cling and pile up until your knees scrape the ground.
I’ve been thinking about what my 2015 resolution should be. For the past few years, it’s been “to become more adult like,” or “to be less judgmental.” For the latter half of last year, I tried to “complain less” and “be more greatful.”
I think this year, my resolution might be “save money towards living abroad.” I’ve been applying to jobs overseas, but several of the ones I want require me having start up funds. Things have been tight (corset tight) so I haven’t been able to save much. I want to change that this year.
I also want to try and “have a bigger voice,” like was suggested by one of my teachers. People tell me that my voice can be too soft at times because I am really shy. I really need to learn to speak up, up my volume, and make people take notice of me.
If nothing else, 2015 should prove interesting.