Mom and I went for a walk by the Bronx River recently. She wanted to see some of the local places I like to photograph, before I go, so I showed her a couple of places that are easy for her to get to without having to drive.
While we were there, we met some geese, who were enjoying the nature walk with their little one. Some were skittish, but the majority seemed used to humans, and we’re quite friendly. This guy was really friendly.
He came right up to us, while my mom took a few pictures of the river. His head came up to my hip, when he stood up straight. He also didn’t mind being petted, though he seemed a little disappointed that I didn’t have any food on me. We spent a few minutes standing together, in a row and gazing at the river, before he walked calmly into the water for a swim.
“What are you looking at, human?”
Wouldn’t it be so nice if we could let troubles and fears roll off our backs, like a duck does water?
I’ve spent a good portion of my life playing servant to anxiety, and missed a lot of opportunities for happiness pass me by. I pretended to be someone else to make my family like me, I lived in fear of regrets, I did things I’m not proud of in hopes to quell the hurt inside me. But I resolved to not let me fears get the better of me anymore.
Whatever will be, will be, and I will deal with things when and if they happen. Is it easy? No.
Do I make mistakes or falter? Yes, all the time. But I am human. I can only do my best and hope that at the end of the day it’s good enough.
Wouldn’t it be nice if all worries could flow off our shoulders like water off of a duck’s back? Yes, but that isn’t the way it works. You have to let go of it yourself. Burdens are heavy, and like to hold on tight, so you need to raise you hands and brush them off. Otherwise, they will cling and pile up until your knees scrape the ground.
I’ve always had a bit of trouble getting through the winter months without getting at least a little depressed. It’s so hard to go out and do things with friends (especially if one does not own a car), go for walks, or find a chance to celebrate during January and February.
Once March rolls around, there is setsubun (a soybean throwing holiday that signals the start of spring) you can at least start counting the days until the warm weather arrives. In April, it’s a countdown to May, mother’s day, and end of school year activities (like prom). June is always awesome, if only because of the weather and the end on another school year. July and August are summer vacation, the 4th of July, Obon, and the time for fireworks. September is a new school year and from October on, the countdown towards the holidays begin (at least if you live in the states).
There aren’t very many holidays in January or February, besides Valentine’s Day, which is only special to a particular percentage of the population. Sure, there are mini-holidays like certain Presidents’ birthdays, but there isn’t anything BIG going on. It’s just cold, snowy, and grey.
I’ve been thinking about what my 2015 resolution should be. For the past few years, it’s been “to become more adult like,” or “to be less judgmental.” For the latter half of last year, I tried to “complain less” and “be more greatful.”
I think this year, my resolution might be “save money towards living abroad.” I’ve been applying to jobs overseas, but several of the ones I want require me having start up funds. Things have been tight (corset tight) so I haven’t been able to save much. I want to change that this year.
I also want to try and “have a bigger voice,” like was suggested by one of my teachers. People tell me that my voice can be too soft at times because I am really shy. I really need to learn to speak up, up my volume, and make people take notice of me.
If nothing else, 2015 should prove interesting.
The lights reflected in the rain remind me of a pastel wonderland.
Brother and I went on another walk this weekend. This time we went through Bronxville Park (which was originally called a conservatory and established in 1913, according to a plaque we found on a rock while exploring) before I had to go to work. The weather wasn’t too bad, but that could have been because of all the layers I wear for work (it’s cold where I work).
We walked for about an hour or so and found some interesting things. We found furry caterpillars, odd birds, playful puppies, and a goose that wanted to come home with us. Like I said, it was interesting hour.
We also noticed that the water levels were really low this weekend. That lead to a bunch of miniature islands to sprout up in various places along the river. It was odd to see, but we assumed it had happened due to a lack of rain this month. There was only one or two days of rain that I remember particularly clearly.
I hope to go back again soon, before all the leaves are gone. I want to take a few more pictures and enjoy nature a bit more before the cold really starts to set in. I abhor the cold, so I end up staying home and under my blankets, whenever I don’t need to be at work. I am going to try to break that habit this year and try to go out at least a little bit…