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So comes the fall weather…

Today was the first day my area fell into the below 65 degree mark since spring. When I got out of work around 6 (stayed late  to help out) it was raining lightly and windy. It wouldn’t have been so bad if there was no wind, but considering that White Plains is known as a city of wind tunnels… well, it didn’t help that I wasn’t dressed for the 50s.

I can only hope that I don’t fall sick because of it.

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I should apologise for my prolonged absence the last few days, as I was down with food poisoning and in really no shape to do anything but try to sleep it off.

Today, however, I was in high spirits due to today being my 25th birthday. I received a lot of kindness today, for which I am thankful. Everyone who showed me kindness today, thank you so very much.

In all honesty, I still feel a good bit of surprise at having today off, as it came unexpected. I did not request the day off nor did I expect to receive it (as I told no one of my current job as to when my birthday actually was) thinking, “well, people naturally work on their birthdays. That’s just how things are. I am adult and this is what adults do.”

I nearly fell over when the schedule was drawn up and I saw a blank box under Saturday and in the row bearing my name. I even asked if it was a mistake. Boss only said, “I didn’t want to make you work all 7 days.” I bowed and gave my gratitude, receiving a blank stare.

Since the start of this year, I have been trying to “be more adult” about things. By this I mean, not let my childish self feel dismayed or upset at things that are a normal part of life. I guess, in everyday terms, become more mature…

It’s a work in progress to say the least. Whenever my mind says to me “well, it just ain’t fair! Why does it have to be —-?” or “Why can’t I just be treated (childishly) just a little while longer?!” I remember my mom was 25 when she had me. It couldn’t have been easy, god knows what a pain in the ass child I was, but she pulled through it.

Because of this struggle, I have been a bit depressed lately (since March actually) and been feeling like everything I worked for, hoped for, just had no chance at happening. I felt like I woke up, but in a bad way, to realize that all my dreams were just that and a harsh reality was going to keep me were I was forever. I felt completely without hope. I began to want to pity myself. “Poor Ren, she can’t move forward at all. She will never make anything of herself…. poor, poor Ren. Such ambition, such dreams…”

I would often chastise myself at thinking this way, being strict and telling myself, “People (go through that) everyday– tied down and unable to be free (happy). Why do you think people are so miserable?” And everytime it would start to become to much or I wanted to tell people about it, I’d feel like I really had no right to say ANYTHING! There are so many people worse off than me, so what right did I have to complain? “Welcome to the real world, Ren,” I would think bitterly.

But today, I feel like I woke up and shrugged off that depression. Like I went to bed with a sore stomach and woke up felling better than I was before I got sick. Like I shrugged off my depression when I tossed off the sheets to get out of bed.

I was able to greet people with an honest smile. I felt like a different person all together and those feeling I carried for so long felt like a distant memory– like a dream forgotten after awakening. Everyone said I looked different. I certainly felt so.

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It’s such a rainy day today. Very cool, very wet, very dreary. A perfect day to go to the dentist and get some work done.

Had to fill a cavity in, which involved getting a shot of novocaine into the crook of my jaw. Fun. So, now I can’t open my mouth more than a half centimetre and half my tongue is all tingly. Before, my tonsils went numb. I really hate when they can’t shot the novocaine straight into the surrounding gums.

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Time goes by so fast these days, it seems. I remember, as a kid, I used to complain so much that time never moved fast enough. My mom would often– and still does– warn me that once you reached a certain age it would fly by and that I would want those slow moving days back. She was right.

Today marks “the last day of summer” by American standards. It’s labor day, a day that is for rest. It is also the day to acknowledge that the time for rest is over (for most the end of June through today is considered “vacation time” in some form or another). Soon, kids will go back to school, and everyone will start gearing up towards the holidays– which starts earlier and earlier each year.

 

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Today had such a lazy feeling to it. Hardly any customers came into my job today and those that did just were browsing– scurrying away as soon as you said “hello.”  My co-workers are blaming the Labor Day weekend, and I could why. I c an only wonder if tomorrow will be the same.

As for what it is I am posting today, I can only call it an experiment. In the same vein as those “artsy” shots of pens on paper and what not, it is a magnifying glass hovering over my superior’s desk. (This is where I had my lunch today) I chose the day Sunday for obvious reasons. If you look hard into the reflection (between the start of the U and right before the barely visible Y) you can see me with my phone. Kinda…..