I hate waiting for things. Over the years, I’ve gotten better at hiding my fidgeting and quelling my visual frustrations, but deep inside I hate to wait. For anything.
I think it has to do with not knowing how things will turn out. It gives me time to think– lots of time actually– and my mind is often times my own worse enemy. My mind has no problems coming up with the worse case scenario and trying to come up with responses for each and every situation. That causes me unbelievable amounts of stress, stress leads to not being able to sleep, and a lack of sleep makes me cranky.
Yet, the oddest things calm me down. Music has always been able to influence my emotions– from calming me when I’m too hyped to helping me rock my way through a nine page essay. Reading also helps me refocus my mind. Meditation in a silent room has also helped from time to time. My favorite, however is by spending time with or watching animals.
Yesterday, we had to take mom to the emergency room after she had a bit of a fall. She was in a lot of pain and I spent nearly 5 hours in the ER with her. While that’s pretty good time for an ER visit here in New York, it was still 5 hours of hearing my mother in pain and waiting for a doctor to grace us with his presence and give her some pills. Needless to say, at the end of our visit, I was a bit out of sorts.
It was while we were waiting for our ride that I noticed it: a huge aquarium. Before, I had been too busy trying to help my mom and flag down some staff to see her to have a good look at the tank that I had thought was void of anything but coral. On our way out, on the other hand, I had a few minutes to bask in the mellow movements of some fish. These fish had no concerns other than swimming around and occasionally looking at all the drippy, sagging, and/or loud humans. Watching them, and in turn being watched by them, lowered my blood pressure enough that I wasn’t a told wreck on the way home.