There has been a budding doubt in the back of my mind, which had been floating about my mind since the middle of December. It’s been “what now?” Now that I’m out of school, I’ve been feeling pressured to do something with myself now that I don’t have classes as an excuse.
I had been applying to jobs online, when I could a short little ad looking for someone to help out in a local public school. Considering that I had been thinking about going into teaching, I figured that it might make for a good learning experience, and look good on my resume. So I applied and got the job.
Since then, I’ve been training at this new job, and it’s been very difficult. I never knew how little I know about children and how they think. I was in way over my head and for the first week, I wasn’t sure I was going to continue. I had tons of doubts. I was so stressed. I kept getting woken up through out the night due to nightmares concerning my job. I doubted myself and if this was really the path I wanted to take in life.
For a moment, I considered returning to my old job (fashion/high end retail) before my brother and a friend of a friend talked me out of my slump. What I’m doing now isn’t exactly teaching. While I do teach them tthings, be it getting along with others or how to do fractions, I am not a teacher. I do not have the training to be a teacher. I do not have enough experience to be a teacher. Yet. That is why I am here: to learn, just like them.
It won’t always be perfect. Hell, this is the public school system, so I would do well to not expect much. But, we (myself and my kids) are stuck together for a few hours a day and it would be best that we at least try to make this work. There will be times I could kick a wall and times they will be frustrated with my lack of math skills, but all we can do is our best. And at the end of the day is that really so bad?