The Long Walk Home

It snowed again yesterday. The snow started falling around 1:30 pm, around the time I had to leave for work. It was really light at first– a few flurries in the air– but it soon started coming down hard and fast. A lot of the usual coffee and tea joints that I visit, between the time the train drops me off and when I actually have to start my shift, were filled up. I had tea at a diner in Mount Vernon, and when I got out, about two or three inches were already on the ground.

I got out of work a few minutes after 9 pm, and the roads looked radically different. All night customers were warning me how bad it was out, but it wasn’t until then that I could see for myself.

Walking wasn’t too bad, even wearing sneakers. My beloved boots are in for repairs (I abused them a little too far this time) so I’ve been given one of my mom’s old pairs to kick around in. I was expecting to slide down the hill on my backside, but no such thing happened. It was a little slow going, since my feet kept sinking into the snow, but I caught my train with a few minutes to spare.

Not many people were out and I ended up sharing the station waiting room with a guy intently focused on his phone. I think he might have looked at me for a second, as I was taking pictures, but I had to call him a few times to let him know our train had arrived. With one train per hour, and a chance for the trains to stop running due to the weather, I didn’t want him to miss that one because of something silly like looking at his phone.

My station was actually decent and the walk only took me a few minutes. A lot of buildings’ superintendents were out and working on clearing away the bulk of the snow.

On the way home, all I could think of was having a cup of tea and spending time with my cat. I’m hoping it’s not too bad out on the way to work, even though the schools are operating on a two hour delay. The rain is supposed to wash some of this snow away and this week’s temperatures are forecast to be in the upper thirties and forties. I hope the weatherman’s right.

 

Throwback Tuesday 002

Today, we have some sky shots from 2008. These were taken with a phone camera (if I remember right) while I was waiting for the train home from work. Around that time I was working in White Plains, if memory serves, in a doctor’s office.

That was my first real office job and I learned a lot during my five or so years there. For a good portion of that time, I had been a part-time employee, answering the phones and scheduling appointments. Through this job, I met a lot of really nice people.

I stopped working there at the end of 2012, when the office closed down and the owner moved overseas. I was really sad to see him go. Since then, I haven’t spoken to him or his family, but I hear that he is doing pretty well. I wish him all the happiness in the world. He was a cool boss.

 

Looking for Warmth

“Cold hands, warm heart,” I’ve heard these words many a time growing up. What does this mean? My hands have always been absolutely fridged, so does that mean my heart’s an inferno? I don’t think so. I’m pretty aloof or “tsumetai” in most things. I try to let my head rule my heart. Maybe brother’s right and I should try out for the X-men…?

 

Exploring Manhattan

I love the city, though I never get to go down there too much anymore. Brother and I had a little time, so we went and had a bit of fun.

 

Throwback Tuesday 001

I’ve noticed, looking at the past month or so of posts have been pretty depressing. That said, I thought that I would try and bring some color and life back into this blog by posting some of my older work, some of which predates this blog. Since some of it is quite old, I figured I would post it under the Throwback Tuesday label.

Today’s post is filled with some shots from October 2007.

They were taken with my first (good) digital camera. It was the same model as my brother’s (he bought his first and I got mine when he stopped letting me borrow it) and eventually, once I got a good camera phone, it became my mother’s.

The photographs were taken at my brother’s old house, in his backyard. At the time, I was eager to take pictures of everything and anything. Before getting a digital camera, I used to work with one-time use disposable cameras whenever I had a little extra money (which wasn’t often) or after my mom used them for events or what have you. They took forever to have developed and never came out very good, but I thought they were really fun.

 

The Waiting Game

I hate waiting for things. Over the years, I’ve gotten better at hiding my fidgeting and quelling my visual frustrations, but deep inside I hate to wait. For anything.

I think it has to do with not knowing how things will turn out. It gives me time to think– lots of time actually– and my mind is often times my own worse enemy. My mind has no problems coming up with the worse case scenario and trying to come up with responses for each and every situation. That causes me unbelievable amounts of stress, stress leads to not being able to sleep, and a lack of sleep makes me cranky.

Yet, the oddest things calm me down. Music has always been able to influence my emotions– from calming me when I’m too hyped to helping me rock my way through a nine page essay. Reading also helps me refocus my mind. Meditation in a silent room has also helped from time to time. My favorite, however is by spending time with or watching animals.

Yesterday, we had to take mom to the emergency room after she had a bit of a fall. She was in a lot of pain and I spent nearly 5 hours in the ER with her. While that’s pretty good time for an ER visit here in New York, it was still 5 hours of hearing my mother in pain and waiting for a doctor to grace us with his presence and give her some pills. Needless to say, at the end of our visit, I was a bit out of sorts.

It was while we were waiting for our ride that I noticed it: a huge aquarium. Before, I had been too busy trying to help my mom and flag down some staff to see her to have a good look at the tank that I had thought was void of anything but coral. On our way out, on the other hand, I had a few minutes to bask in the mellow movements of some fish. These fish had no concerns other than swimming around and occasionally looking at all the drippy, sagging, and/or loud humans. Watching them, and in turn being watched by them, lowered my blood pressure enough that I wasn’t a told wreck on the way home.

 

 

Not what I thought it’d be…

I’ve been at my job a month and I feel like I have very little, besides a few grey hairs, to show for it. I keep telling myself to stick it out until the end of the school year, for the kids and for how good it’ll look on my resume, but there is so much working against me that I want to throw my hands up and walk away.

The expectations are unreal at times, the resources are practically non-existant, and I have had issues with getting paid what I am owed. I am often filled with stress and have been finding it hard to sleep. If these things don’t change, I’m not sure how I can make it to June.